I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I deserve this hangover.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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