In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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