do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
