You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize