There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
