Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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