Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
