dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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