so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
