OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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