Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
