69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
