Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
