I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
