My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this boner is exhausting
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
