So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
