wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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