You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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