this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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