I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
