How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
