I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
