So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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