I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
