I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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