I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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