Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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