yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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