uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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