sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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