Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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