every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
