I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
