puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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