But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
