I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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