i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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