Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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