She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
