Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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