4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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