This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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