its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
