Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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