I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
