My nipple is on Facebook.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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