I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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