every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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