there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
