Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
