remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
