yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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