I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
