The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
