What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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