Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
