she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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