My room smells like vodka and shame
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
