She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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