did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
