That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
