Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
