1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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