I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
as a side note pls kill me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
