So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
