you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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