at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
