Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
