Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
