I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
