The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
