I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
